I’m currently in the process of updating my website, after it was taken down, unbeknownst to me (not happy Jan!!). Even though I was extremely frustrated after all the work I had put in to it, I thought there was no better time than now to move my blog over to my website.

I started my original blog after I self published Illuminated Darkness. My blog was titled: Joanne Efendi: Not Just Another Self-Published Author. Here I detailed my thoughts (not regularly, I must admit I am very slack when it come to blogging) on my main dream to become a published author. Well after Illuminated Darkness was signed, and then Freefall was picked up, I’m guess I’m ‘not just a self published author’ anymore.

But… I’m not going to close it down, as it was a part of my journey, and has led me to where I am now. Instead, I’ll leave a permalink here for anyone who wishes to jump on over and have a read of my ramblings. And in the meantime, I promise I will try to update this blog more than I did the other one.

In case you missed the other two permalinks, here it is again🙂





“What’s wrong?” He ran his fingers through my hair tenderly. “Did I hurt you? Fuck, Andi, why didn’t you say something?”

Automatically, I jumped to his defense. “No, you didn’t hurt. Everything down there feels great. It’s just…look forget it. Forget everything.”

I pushed him away from me and jumped down from the bench, only my Jell-O legs didn’t take my weight and almost gave way. Levi grabbed me by one of my injured elbows to help steady me, causing me to yelp in pain.

“Andi, I have hurt you. Tell me where? Tell me so I can make it better.”

I took a big breath, and gently rubbed my grazed elbow. That pain was only superficial compared to how my heart was coping. “You haven’t hurt me. It’s just…it’s this thing going on between us.” I pointed my finger to myself then him. “That was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. I’m just unsure about where this is going, unsure about you. I’m confused and…”

I dropped my face into my hands, unable to look at him any longer. I’ve really screw things up now. He won’t want anything to do with me again. Neurotic, stupid, silly girl.

“Andi, look at me, please,” he demanded, and took my hands in his. His green eyes locked on mine. “What’s there to be confused about? You’re not the only one whose world was rocked. Didn’t I just tell you what I thought? Fuck, you just blew my mind. My back is shredded, my shoulder has teeth marks, and I’m pretty sure I’m bruised in more places than you’d care to know about. But I loved it. I need a friend like you in my life. You’re unsure of where we are

headed? Of me? Stop over thinking. Take things day by day. You told me you’re not into relationships. I can respect that. You won’t get any

pressure from me.”

I looked at him. He must have misunderstood. I could have laughed, or cried for that matter. He thought I was worried that we were moving toward a relationship, when in actual fact, that was what I wanted more than anything. I wanted to explain to him how I felt, but I was unsure. Was it too early? When I told him I was inexperienced, I meant in all walks of life. I didn’t know how to act around him, what he expected of me. I wanted to be the party girl I told him that I was. I wanted to be the girl who lived life on the edge and didn’t give a shit about anything. I didn’t want to come across as clingy and desperate. I couldn’t tell him I took meds for my anxiety and some days I wanted to kill myself. I didn’t want to come across as the real me.



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